


Here, It's Clear That I'm Not Getting Better

by juliibee



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Age of Consent is 17, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OOC Peter Parker, Recreational Drug Use, So maybe Underage but I'm not sure, Superfamily, Underage Drug Use, gratuitous use of semicolon, more than likely smut, preestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:43:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9396110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliibee/pseuds/juliibee
Summary: ((I'm not so bueno at writing summaries and honestly have no clue what to say but here's some real vague and shitty details))Peter's insecure af about his body and its out of control.AND he needs to protect New York at night.But he also needs to be awake during the day for his education.Squeezing in love and sleep too?There aren't enough hours in the day.But with a little bump here and there, he can kill two birds with one stone.





	1. Another Drug to Juggle; Another Day, Another Struggle

**Author's Note:**

> Peters behavior in this fic is reminiscent of my personal opinion of his personality, although a bit exaggerated; In short, he's kind of OOC. Peter is 17 years old in this fic (which is the age of consent in New York)..so if you're uncomfortable with that, fair warning.  
> Trigger warnings for eating disorders and drug use.  
> And unconventional self harm (Biting,picking,scratching,etc.)  
> The title of this fic is from song Put Me Back Together by Weezer.
> 
> I also drew inspiration from:  
> Meds by Placebo  
> The Nurse Who Loved Me by A Perfect Circle  
> Sober by Tool
> 
> I don't own Wade or Peter or Tony. I just own the other words around those.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peters behavior in this fic is reminiscent of my personal opinion of his personality, although a bit exaggerated; In short, he's kind of OOC. Peter is 17 years old in this fic (which is the age of consent in New York)..so if you're uncomfortable with that, fair warning.  
> Trigger warnings for eating disorders and drug use.  
> And unconventional self harm (Biting,picking,scratching,etc.)  
> The title of this fic is from song Put Me Back Together by Weezer.
> 
> I also drew inspiration from:  
> Meds by Placebo  
> The Nurse Who Loved Me by A Perfect Circle  
> Sober by Tool
> 
> I don't own Wade or Peter or Tony. I just own the other words around those.

Peter couldn’t look at himself in the suit anymore; He straight up refused.

 

The way it displayed every curve, every _roll,_ in form fitting spandex every respectable hero wore. Just another thing on the exhaustive list of ‘how to be accepted by the world.’ The thought of displaying his imperfections filled him to the brim with disgust.

 

For a mutate who could lift up to 10 tons (before exerting himself), this inadequacy weighed heavier than any building or train he’d lifted. The massive appetite that came with his slight healing factor had diminished to nothing. Resulting fatigue leached into every soluble part of Peters life; school, patrolling, even his relationships.

 

Between swinging across New York and fighting whichever Big Bad was tearing apart his city this week, the teen was never sitting still. Exercise wasn’t ever an issue, but the mirror never failed to show the same horribly disfigured body. Nothing could whip his body into submission; the insecure Peter Parker underneath Spiderman was at war with himself every day.

 

The young hero sighed as he undressed, immediately throwing the offending material across the room as far as he could. Wanting to feel small, he opted for sweatpants. It wasn’t enough to stop the frustration.

Tears rushed down Peters face as his mind was enveloped by flames of anxiety and fear. **_You’ll lose everything. Disappointment. Fail all your classes. Failure. Wade WILL leave your fat ass. Defective. Too fat to be Spider-Man. Feeble._**

****

****

 Shaking these thoughts out of his head quickly, Peter gave a soft sniffle and rose to his feet. Immediate dizziness set in and the frail body plopped back down on the bed. **_Get up. Get off your ass._**

****

He rose much slower this time, and with shaking hands tied the drawstring tight. Peter ran his hands over his stomach to his _~~love handles~~ _ hips, pinching the ~~fat~~ skin harshly with his nails. The pain was grounding. It washed away the bitterness coating his mouth like molasses; The taste of _ugly._

 

Peter’s attention was averted as a shrill ring assaulted the asphyxiating silence around him. Quickly scrambling over to his discarded suit, he fumbled for the source of the noise. Panic washed over him again when he looked at his cellphone. Peter looked at the clock and braced himself; a 4am phone call from his Dad was never a good sign. **_You fucked up. He Knows._**

****

Peter swallowed the bile crawling up his throat and accepted the call.

 

“H-hello?”

 

“Peter, why am I receiving emails from your teachers saying you’ve been sleeping in class? Wait. Why are you awake right now?!”

 

Pregnant couldn’t even begin to cover the pause following Tony’s inquiry. Peter wracked his brain for any excuse other than the truth. _Just starving myself into exhaustion, Dad, no big deal._

“I’ve just had a rough time sleeping the past few weeks,” Peter sighed, “I’m sorry, Dad. I prom ̶  ”

 

“No, I don’t want another empty promise. Your grades have been steadily declining since midterms. What happened, Pete?  This isn’t like you,” his dad said sounding worried.

 

 “Nothing! I’m fine,” Peter answered quickly. He bit his finger harshly, hoping the subject would be dropped.

“I Just..I’ll get on it, Dad,” he replied, eyes trailing the small line of blood now rolling down over his knuckles. “The semester isn’t over for another few weeks and I know the material.”

 

Although the teen had been giving into unconsciousness in almost every class, he was well aware of what was going on in each one. It wouldn’t be too much work to catch up before finals, but staying awake would be a serious hindrance.

 

~~~

 

Peter Parker absolutely despised drugs. Drugs were against everything the boy stood for.

So why was using them so easy to justify?

 

_It’s just a pill, once won’t hurt._

_Just to write this paper._

_Just until the end of the week._

The end of the semester came and went. Ritalin had long since given way cocaine as it stood a better chance against the teens healing factor. The realization that hunger melted away with each bump only cemented the dependency. Peter often wondered to himself whether he would destroy his liver or not, considering these days he kept a steady diet of powder and whatever food Wade stuck under his nose.

The upside was all the extra energy to expend on being Spiderman, a good student, and a good lover. Sure, Peter knew he shouldn’t have been awake for three days at a time but there was so much he could _do_ in that time; No choosing between his family and the city of New York, no more picking homework over sex.

Being able to keep up with Wade was yet another bonus. Of course there were still occasions that lightheadedness would get to the teen when he tried to mount his boyfriend. The stare of concern that followed would knock Peter off his high, the interrogation that came with it would send him flying out of Wade’s apartment to score.

The downside, other than going against every moral bone in Peter’s body, was the solid crash that followed those three days stints:

Messages went unanswered, homework was left undone. On these days Wade found his better half unconscious on the bathroom floor, face first in a pb&j at the kitchen table, or even passed out against the outside of his front door. Peter would sleep for a 13 or 14 hours while the mercenary waited anxiously, wondering if this time Peter _wouldn’t_ wake up.

Wade was sitting on the couch now, an unconscious Peter stretched across the remainder of its cushions. He ran his fingers absently through the mop of brown hair in his lap, flicking through channels on the TV. The boy had been passed out on the fire escape this morning, thankfully as Peter Parker and not Spider-Man. 12 hours had passed since then with nothing more than an occasional sigh.

 

Wade checked the time on his watch.

 

**_9:36am_ **

****

The man leaned over to give Peters face a kiss halted by a whine, lines of discomfort spreading across Peters brow.

 

“Petey?”

 

Peter grunted in reply and opened his eyes slowly. He stretched out his cramped limbs, every joint cracking and popping in protest to the movement. His hair was a mess, there was a trail of dried drool on his cheek, crusts in his eyes; and still Wade though he was beautiful.

 

There wasn’t a single day that Wade forgot to thank The Powers That Be for giving him someone as perfect as Peter; Not only did he put up with Wades shit, but he was _gorgeous_ while he was doing it.

 

Adjusting himself to consciousness, the teen crawled up to curl himself completely in Wades lap.

 

“What time is it? Fuck..What day is it?”

 

Wade wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and nuzzled against his neck, allowing himself some relief.  

 

“It’s pretty much 10am, Baby Boy, and it’s Monday.”

 

Peter couldn’t help feeling like he wasn’t remembering something. The teen groaned again and flopped back against the armrest to eye Wade, his whole body aching in withdrawal. The two regarded one another in intense, silent conversation. Peter’s eyes glimmered with sadness and pain. While Wade’s eyes showed so much worry, so much concern, that Peter had to look away. Without pause he broke the contact and stood slowly, careful to test his balance before moving. It took a minute or two for Peter to remember his task, just standing there as wade eyed him with curiosity. **_Focus. Find your jacket. Find your wallet and get out._**

 

“On the counter, next to the coffee pot,” The mercenary called out, as if reading Peters mind.

“Do you maybe want something to eat before you leave?”

 

Peter shrugged on his coat without reply.

 

“Petey?”

 

“Huh? Yeah, I’ll grab something on my way home,” Peter said dismissively.

 

They both knew it was a blatant lie. Peter wasn’t going home and probably wouldn’t answer the barrage of messages on his phone either.

 

“Was my wallet in my pocket?”

 

“No, Baby Boy,” Wade answered hesitantly “You didn’t have anything but your phone on you.”

 

Peter thumbed open the aforementioned device, noting the _36 missed calls._ Returning any of them was not worth the headache it'd cause. With a guilty smile, Peter beckoned for Wade to stand and wrapped his boney arms around the larger man, leaning against the solid wall of muscle. Even with this solace, the boy couldn’t shake the nagging feeling he’d forgotten an important detail.

 

“Please stay, Petey,” Wade whispered against his neck, hoping the boy hadn’t truly forgotten the date.

 

Peter stiffened and pulled out of the embrace but pretended he hadn’t heard it.

 

“I-I’ll be back Later, okay?”

 

Wade looked into Peters unfocused eyes and tried not to blame himself for letting things get so far out of hand. He knew the teenager was on _something_. If the normally blown pupils weren’t enough of a hint, the constant sniffling could be justified as well. He could delude himself into ignoring the white powder dusting Peter’s nostrils upon return from the bathroom. But there was no denying the weight Peter had dropped; the twinky body Wade worshipped was now skin and bones.

 

Peter was out the door before Wade had a chance to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably a whole bunch of BTVS references/phrases in here...So sorry about that.
> 
> But thank you for taking the time to read (:


	2. Trouble Sparks, They Tell Me Home is Where The Heart is, Dear Departed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably got the most inspiration from   
> Lullaby by The Cure & Creeps Me Out by Monument To The Masses

Peter was halfway to downtown before he realized he’d run out of money. 

 

His whole body ached from head to toe and he just wanted some blow to get through the day.  It was purely an assumption that the teen could convince his dealer to front him until tomorrow. Pops would give him the money if presented with a little white lie, just as long as Dad stayed out of it. 

 

He continued his journey to Skips with little thought, his worn body swaying with the subway as he closed his eyes.

  
A sharp,sudden pain in Peter's stomach had him doubled over in his seat with a yelp. He breathed deeply through his nose in attempt to will away the stabbing in his abdomen. There was no denying this as a protest to the literal nothing he had eaten over the last few days. He couldn’t remember Wade shoving anything  (at least not food) in his face recently. 

 

Maybe an apple? 

 

“No, it was toast,” he whispered to himself regretfully

 

This past wednesday Tony had insisted their family eat breakfast together. The boy had used every excuse he could think of to get out of it, but his dad wasn’t having it. Peter had picked up the piece of toast from his plate, hands trembling harder with anxiety for every inch it came closer to his mouth. Tony had stared him down _the_ _entire time,_ making sure each bite had been swallowed.

Peter had immediately excused himself to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet bowl as soon as the door was locked. There had been no reason to stick his finger down his throat, the teens stomach had rejected the toast on it’s own; he was somewhat ashamed..but mostly  _ proud. _

  
  


  
He now rocked side to side in silence as the subway car raced toward South Jamaica, Aka the shithole of Queens; The rancid stench of old piss and grime permeated the air, wall panels peeled jaggedly, and the light overhead flickered with each bump in the track. 

Peter shifted with discomfort, looking up to find the man seated across the isle eye-fucked him relentlessly. He knew what the man was thinking, saw the hunger in his eyes. 

 

Peter averted eye contact and focused on the deafening silence.

  
  
  
  


**_It’s never this quiet when Wade and I ride the subway together._ **

 

The teenager still loved his boyfriend more than anything in the world, even if his dads and every Avenger in his vacinity made their relationship a constant battle. But He will admit that these days he often left Wade sitting alone to go visit Skip. Peter had worked so hard to build up Wade's confidence in not only their relationship but himself too. 

 

Now it felt as if he was undoing all of that progress.

 

The look on Wade's face every time Peter walked out the door stung just as badly as it had the first time. His boyfriends expression portrayed more sadness today though and Peter couldn’t squash the fear he’d done something wrong. Or he  _ wasn’t _ doing something? Once again Peter felt as if he’d forgotten something.

The anxious thoughts, combined with his suffocating sobriety, were too much for his frazzled mind. 

 

  
At that moment the loudspeaker announced his stop and began to decrease speed. Gathering all the strength he had left in his worn body, Peter pulled himself up to stand and wait. 

 

The moment the doors slid open, Peter hurried out up to city level. 

 

He pulled out his phone and opened a new message:

 

_ To: Skip _

 

_ ‘Just got off subway, omw.’ _

_ ‘Like ten mins probably’ _

  
  


**_From: Skip_ **

 

**_‘Come up whn ur here.’_ **

  
  
  


That was..new; Skip had never invited him to his apartment, opting to meet in the alley beside his building. He didn’t want to think about what that could mean, if it meant anything at all. Peter focused on the thumbnail digging into the palm of his hand instead.

 

A shaky sigh passed over his lips. 

 

**Get it together,Parker.**

 

  
With his sunglasses now laid across the bridge of his nose, Peter continued his trek to Skip’s apartment.

 

  
~~~

  
  


Tony Stark and Steve Rogers hated Wade Wilson's guts, and he knew it.

 

The fact that the 24 year old was hanging around their then 15 year old son pushed that hatred even further; “The Merc with a Mouth”  wasn’t even their  _ last _ choice as a boyfriend for their son.

Steve and Tony assumed Wade just wanted to defile him, but Wade Wilson  _ has a heart..  _ And a conscience. Wade truly loved Peter but he couldn’t entertain anything more than platonic with a minor

 

So after the superdads had beaten him to a bloody pulp (Metal Man) and given him a lecture (Cap), Wade begrudgingly stayed away from their son. 

 

Well, he tried to anyway..but spiders always catch their prey, and Peter was one  _ relentless  _ spider. 

 

For months the awkward brunet followed him. Whether Wade was on an abandoned roof top or at the  _ grocery store _ , there was Petey and his seductive smile. The merc smiled to himself, recalling how aggressively the boy had tried to woo him. But he resisted every temptation and waited until Peter was of consenting age, 17. 

A faint buzzing in Wade's pocket broke the train of thought, he dug his hand in for his phone. 

 

His boyfriends face smiled back at him from the screen causing Wade's heart to clench.  The picture was from before the lying and the drugs, before the arguments and disappearances.

 

After seven hours of waiting for Peters return, the picture provided no relief, only bitter nostalgia.

  
  
  


Wade accepted the call with slight hesitation, “Hello?”

  
  
  


“Wade! Baby! Hello to you too!”

  
  
  


Wade sighed, Peters overexcitement was bad omen.

  
  


“Hey, what’s up?”

  
  


“Wellll..I was on my way back to you, but the E train is down,” Peter whined, “Can you come get me? Pleeeeeaaaase?”

  
  


“Where are you, Angeldust?”

  
  


“PCP ain’t my bag, Baby, and I’m not sure it’s a term of endearment either.”

  
  


“Oh,uhm..Okay.. Well where should i pick you up?” Wade was met with silence.

“Hello?...Petey?...Hellooo”

  
  


“Huh?  Oh, yeah, sorry. Zoned out a bit there,” Peter replied, “I’ll be at Crown Fried Chicken, corner of Sutphin and Archer.”

  
  


“Sutphin an- Peter, what the fuck? You have no business down there unless it’s for school,” Wade pointed out, only annoying him further. “And you skipped today, OBVIOUSLY, so why the fuck are you in South Jamaica?!”

  
  


“I was just visiting a friend, Wade. Jesus Christ, I didn’t think I needed your fucking permission. You’re not my daddy,” Peter snapped.

 

There was a pause in conversation as the two processed what Peter had just said.

 

The first time the brunet had looked him and the eye and insisted, “Harder, please, Daddy,” Wade had fucked him so brutally the boy had to stay in bed the whole next day. It wasn’t a secret that Peter was even hotter for it than the older man, going by the porn left open on his computer, but the word hadn’t been uttered since.

 

The older man wanted to let it go but Peter jumped at the chance.

  
  
  


“Unless, you know, you  _ wanted _ to be. I could be good for you,  _ Daddy _ ,” the boy purred.

 

{Fuck, that’s slutty… Just bring him home so we can wreck him.}

  
[Not slutty. Hot, definitely]

  
  


**_That’s enough from the peanut gallery, guys._ **

  
  


As much as Wade's dick begged to differ, he wasn’t in the mood. 

  
  


  
[You know how incredibly racist that term is?]

 

{Here we go..}

 

Wade tried to block out the argument between his boxes. He was already 100% done with tomorrow. The noise in his head, this phone call, this whole  _ day _ ; really just made him blow his brains out all over the living room floor.

 

{Why blow your brains out when you could  _ blow your load _ on that little boy? Make him remember who he belongs too.}

 

[....There are so many things wrong with that sentence.]

 

  
Peter interrupted the chaos in the mutates head with a huff, “So are you coming to get me or not?”

  
  


“Of course I am, just..”

  
  


“Thank you, Baby,” Peter chirped before Wade could continue, “I love you.”

  
  


“Yeah,” Wade said dejectedly, “I love you too. I’ll leave in a few minutes.”

  
  


The two exchanged goodbyes and Wade allowed himself a moment to maintain his composure. His younger boyfriend was obviously high as a kite and in a less than favorable neighborhood in Queens; He was honestly freaking out a bit. Peter was stronger and faster than most anyone he knew, but someone could get the drop on him with what’s in his system. 

 

The boy just wasn’t himself like this. 

 

He used to be so..well, maybe not innocent, but truthful. 

At one point Peter was  _ always _ honest with his parents about what he was doing, even if they disapproved of what it might be. 

 

Wade only knew this because Tony had blasted through his door (and then his head) after Peter had told him about some of their “activities.”

 

Recovering from a repulsor beam to the face had hurt  but Wade was unashamed. Especially since he waited two years to get a piece of that Spidey booty, legal consent and all that.

 

{Consent is sexy}

 

[No, consent is  _ mandatory. _ ]

 

Not that Peter had made it easy to resist temptation, he was definitely coquettish. And intelligent enough to use it in getting what he wanted. As countless conversations about Peter's health and wellbeing had ended with Wade's cock halfway down his throat. Or bent over the nearest surface.

  
  


**_Jesus, we’ve probably fucked on every piece of furniture I own._ **   
  


  
  


Wade tried not to indulge the images that flashed his mind with that thought, he needed to go get Peter. 

 

{Bring him home for a little  _ reenacting,  _ if you know what I mean. He’s always dtf when he’s this loaded}

  
  


He didn’t want to acknowledge Yellows suggestion, but the box did have a point. 

Maybe this last time he could indulge himself? 

 

Wade didn’t want to fight today, he wanted to share his love with Peter.

 

After all, it was their anniversary.

  
Wade locked the door to his shitty manhattan apartment behind him and headed off to Queens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just an awkward noodle trying to slide through the pasta sauce I call life..So there's probably mistakes I didn't catch in the five times I read it over.  
> If I missed anything, please let me know! (:
> 
> Any guesses as to where the chapter title came from?


	3. Unfortunately Not An Update

I just want to say that I am in the process of writing the third chapter (how lame is that?) and will be trying to post it within the next 24 hours. I lost my computer charger and wasn't able to write, which is why I am thankful to Google Drive.  
I'm not even sure there's enough of your subscribed that will see this..? BUT to the people that are, just hang on tight! 

A huge thank you to all my hebrews and shebrews for the comments & kudos, y'all are the best.  
If there's anything you'd like to see or anything you've noticed as an error thus far, please let me know!

Also I would like to apologize for the hiphop references throughout most/all of this, but there is a reason:  
It's common for rappers to reference comic book/video game characters, many of them grew up with those characters too. Throughout the years, from our boy Spidey & Batman to Liu Kang & Sonic, they've shown their "nostalgic admiration."

But you know what? It is so rare to see that same respect paid back to the greats; Tupac, Method Man, Eazy E, Dr. Dre, Biggie Smalls. The list goes on.

ANYWAY, this is my way of showing MY respect for both comics/video and hiphop.

Thank you for reading my potentially pointless Non-update-update (:

**Author's Note:**

> "I'm not addicted to cocaine, I just like the way it smells." - Richard Pryor
> 
> I do plan to continue this, it's just going to take some time.  
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
